I went to my home office the other day and logged into work. I sat there, from the hours of 8 to 5 or so, twiddled my thumbs and did nothing of worth. I just passed the time. Did very little actual work… but I stayed logged in and available to assist as needed. Why?
To set an example.
When the kids are on break from school (which, if you were unaware, is basically all the damn time), I get to have this extra pressure. I feel the need to set an example of what “good, hard work” looks like. It’s like I’m trying to justify my job to the very people I provide for who really have no ability to question my work ethic.
Still, I feel a need because they lack the context of my career. They won’t have memories of all the things I missed because I needed to work. They won’t remember that time when Dad was routinely putting in extra hours either because some compliance auditing was happening, a breach occurred, or just good old fashioned mismanagement resulting in needing to speed up adoption of some project or another…
Or, honestly, those weekend hours I worked because I was legitimately enjoying the project and wanted to work it in my free time. The things I built in my home lab for the purposes of “education” but which I can see obviously now that it was just work disguised as education.
They won’t even have many memories of me going to the office or traveling a lot for work. They didn’t see all that hard work that burned me out or the years we went without proper vacations. The struggling to pay bills and being forever fearful that any event resulting in my layoff would have us being homeless and unable to buy food. Hence, always saying yes to every demand made of my time – ensuring that I was essential to all operations.
What they see now is the product of all that struggle and work. Someone who plateaued where getting a new certification won’t matter. A place where I feel working extra hours is stupid, a complete waste of life. A person who isn’t willing to skip a vacation because of company needs. AI is mucking with the job market and there’s some fear around that, so I can say that the ‘company needs’ might be elevated in the coming years.
The thing that has really started to bug me lately, though, is this idea that I need to be sitting at my desk for eight hours regardless of what work is actually on my schedule for the day. When I have to work late, do I get to say, “Sorry, I can’t actually do that today because I’ve met my eight hour quota.” Maybe but it’s called “at-will employment” which really feels like a nicer way of saying, “Fuck around and get fired for any legal reason whenever we feel like it with no notice if we so desire because fuck you.”
I’m pretty sure it doesn’t really matter.
I have to work because I’m not rich and any sustained loss of employment will have serious consequences to my family so even when I feel frustrated by needing to sit here all day doing nothing instead of doing absolutely anything else… well, that’s just how it works. That’s the exchange. The company gives me money and, in exchange, I give them time.
Maybe it should be less about setting an example and more about re-framing my own perspective. It’s not really a waste of time if sitting at that computer is keeping my family housed and fed.
Think about it next time you go to work.
– JL
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